The magic in everything

One reason that I enjoy being around my daughter-besides the fact that I love her-is that she finds magic in everything. In every moment. There is no dreary day in her life. Honestly, I am very similar. No matter what is going on in my life, I power through and try to enjoy every breath. Well most of the time:)

But the magic that kids have in their eyes and in their hearts is something that would be wonderful to be bottled. To uncork the bottle and sprinkle one dash of that joy and spark. One little pinch from the excitement we all felt as kids. How awesome that would be.

I remember the total elation I had when the Sears Christmas catalog came in the mail and I was so so excited to dog-ear the toy section. My wishes were endless. Everyone that I knew was the same way. We would talk about it at school and go over our selections. It is not that we were materialistic like today’s children. There just were not toy store in every shopping center. There was not an online to find out about all of the cool toys. This catalog was the one source. (well there were others, but this one was THICK)

I remember being so overjoyed to get my plastic kitchen that was shaped like animals. I think the fridge was a hippo and I remember how colorful it was. One Christmas I received a trampoline. I could not believe that it was for me! I spent the next 3 years on it religiously and then I became an adolescent…

Though all I am talking about is material items, times were different then. Christmas was different. It was special. Christ was at the center of it. The big stir about the gifts meant so much to children because we did not get gifts on a daily, weekly or monthly basis back then. Birthdays and Christmas were the big occasions. We had to wait all year to get the latest gadget.

Unlike today, where 8 year olds have better phones than some adults do.  My daughter has a friend in the first grade who has a laptop and an e-reader! What kid deserves that? Kids expect it though and get it. I could have demanded until I turned blue but I would have not had my demands met. Parents did not give their kids everything then.

My kid gets her share of things. Do not get me wrong! But she has no DS. Or laptop. Or Nook. Or Ipod. Maybe when she is a teenager she can have an Ipod. But why would I do it now? So that she could put earphones in and become a teenager at a young age, not communicating with me or anyone because she is so glued to a gadget? My friends say that I can set limits with it.

These same parents have given their children all of the aforementioned gadgets and they are speaking to me about limits? Okayyyy…The point is, why even get the item? Why buy something knowing that it will be an issue? 

Back to the magic. My kid has it. She still has young and innocent eyes. She finds wonder in a spider web. She is a bubbly and gregarious little person. She carries on clever and interesting conversations. She takes a break to play her Wii once or twice a week, but it is not an obsession. Because she does not have these handheld electronic versions of adult cigarettes at her beckon call, she can be a kid.

She can twirl and run and jump and dance. She can dream and paint and write and create. She can help me re-discover the magic in everything. From the pink sky at sunset to the drops of dew on morning moistened grass. Life is a mystery. Magic is in the air. Magic in her heart. It inspires everyone she meets. It makes them want to find the joy and innocence too. 

Thank God I have her here to remind me what really matters in life. The belief in things unseen and hope in things that seem hopeless. Not having to wait for Santa to believe in miracles, knowing that they are in the lives that we have been blessed with.

Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.  Proverbs 22:6

 

Sometimes I feel like breaking down and crumpling on the floor…

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I can’t begin to tell you how my year has been, or maybe I can…I moved, I lost a job, I found a job, I lost a job, I got my Master’s degree. I had a temporary job, I lost my cat of two decades while having guests over for a month. I started two part time jobs that recently ended because they were for a specified time. I got extremely disappointed in a friend who I have bent over backwards to support and had another friend flee because I did not meet her demands. 

Fast forward to today. I took my car in and the brakes were badddd…It was going to cost 950 dollars. Either God was standing on that guys conscience, or he saw how panic stricken I looked, or more likely something divine happened because he reduced it to 731-which is still bad when you are broke. Then he called the credit company associated with them and I was approved for 700 dollars!  My credit is just mediocre after years of being married to an irresponsible person who did not do the right thing money wise or marriage wise-that is another story.

So, I was literally crying tears of joy and had to take a moment like John Cage on Ally McBeal.  I was so overwhelmed with God’s grace and this man’s kindness that I had to step away to deal.  My beautiful daughter said: “mommy, are you alright?”  I said, “yes, I am just so thankful that God allowed this to happen.” (or something like that)

Now I know that it is en vogue to “hate God” or all that is deemed “religious”.  Well if that is how you feel, then I truly feel sorry for you. I by no means have life or God all figured out, but I know that there is a God. I can feel it in my bones and during times like this. The thing is, I don’t read the Bible hardly every anymore and I have been to church only twice this summer.  But during the year we go every week because we are very involved in the church. I have a few roles that are important in the church and my child is involved in the children’s ministry with the other church that shares our building that are a different nationality, but it works!~

The point is, you do not have to be perfect and no every Bible scripture to have faith or be a Christian. In my humble opinion, you just have to believe that things will improve or that there is someone on your side. You have to treat people well and give of yourself to others and step away from a life of selfishness.  I have never had a problem with being selfish, but it is so hard for me to treat people that are not good to me in a kind manner.  I want to make them feel bad or to unfriend them, or sometimes use their head as a punching bag-only kidding;).  

I am separated, have little money, no job, honest to God little hope and yet I am still moving and grooving through life with a smile on my face. Of course I don’t want to talk much to people now and of course I have been a little more annoyed with people lately, but it is because I am stressed the heck out! Anyone would be.

A big problem is that people in this affluent bubble that I live in don’t get it and don’t care too. I am beginning to think that I don’t really have any friends here. My good friend is moving soon and one friend who I considered my best one here is just so cookie cutter/Stepfordesque that I can’t hardly stand to be around her anymore.  I just can’t. Maybe it is my issue, but she has never suffered. She has always had financial security without earning it herself. She hangs around other little perfect versions of herself.

I am the eclectic one. The stand on her own though it may be hell on earth kind of gal. I am very opinionated, which is not very WASP of me. I married someone outside of my race. I finished college later than most and the same with my 2nd degree. I am beautiful but have no banging body-about 45 pounds away from that! I am smart and creative and lovely and different and lonely and bitter all in one package. I exude confidence but I am my worst enemy. I want to have my fair chance. My good stretch of things. My kid and the fact that I am alive and well is all that I can hold on to. Literally. And, that is where my faith comes into play.

If I did not have it, I could not put two feet in front of the other and teach my child and nurture her and expose her to culture and love and the beauty around us. I talk to her like a person. I tell her things that I wasn’t told on her level of course. My mom says that I tell her too much and maybe I do. But I wasn’t told that my father was not a good person and it wasn’t my fault. I wasn’t talked to about the women we caught him with. I wasn’t able to open up to my mother and I really became screwed up as a result.

Truth and faith are what is keeping me going other than the miracle that God brought into my life when he gave me a child.  If that is all that I have to go on, then I will take it. Faith will guide me to my destiny and I am going to be a half-full type of girl and say that it is going to be a heluva fabulous and wonderous journey.

I surrender to the gift that faith is…So that your faith might not rest in the wisdom of men (human philosophy), but in the power of God. 1 Corinthians 2: 5

P.S. I am human, so I may not say things in a pretty way all of the time but I want to be completely authentic with my feelings.