I am slowly moving out of my funk. I am trying to seek a real job. I am thinking about getting another degree. Silly? Perhaps,but my options are running out. So, back to Thanksgiving. I am so happy that we had a place to go with good food, conversation and laughter. I was completely chill just staying home under the covers and watching Christmas movies with my daughter. We planned to put decorations on the tree because we put it up that Wednesday.
Anyway, we did not decorate. We spent from 2 to 9 pm with our friends and it brought me back to southern Thanksgiving dinners at my grandmother’s. This is the first year that she was not around because she passed away in March, so I know that dinner down south was so different for my family. Well, my friend did not disappoint. She had collards, yams, ham, turkey, potato salad. It was a soul food throw down!:) She had awesome appetizers and we had red wine with dinner. Nice meal.
Then her hubby went to lie down and the kids went to play and we sat and talked and talked. I really needed that, you know? Sometimes satan wants us to feel isolated. Like we have nowhere to go and no one to listen to us, but it is such a fallacy! Most of us who have lived normal lives and treated others well and been a normal part of society do have people that pray for us and care for us. We may have people that are praying for us that we have no clue about. It could be the service desk worker that you have gotten to know at your favorite store. It could be the older woman who sits alone at church who you make time to talk with.
I am a lot of things right now-stressed, concerned, wanting CHANGE in my life so desperately. But one thing I am sure of is that I am loved. We are loved. There are bad people in the world. But there are good people that are available to us that many of us do not appreciate or take the time to get to know. Would I have rather been with a husband of my own and my daughter that night? Sure. Do I want to meet a great man to step in and help me raise my child because her father does not? Yes of course. But apparently God is not ready for me to be with someone. Or, God is preparing him to come into my life. Or preparing my heart. The same heart that has anger and pain and resentment buried behind it.
Today I am hopeful. I desire a different life. A better life. Don’t get me wrong, I am thankful for where I live and would not trade my kid for a trillion dollars. I have friends and a full calendar. But I am not where I need to be financially and I long for romantic love. But, today I feel blessed and I awaiting God’s go ahead for me to be in a better place-emotionally, romantically and financially.
I am claiming it! I am going to have my sunny day. My turn at ‘happy days’ and ‘everything is coming up roses’ is where I am headed! If you feel sad or trapped or confused, just seek the Most High in all that you do and you may not get the answer you want, but you will find comfort. You also will have a friend by your side that will never leave you and always love you. I may not have God all figured out, but some of the situations I should have not made it out of alive, let me know that God has to have a purpose for me. I am still here for a reason. For THAT I give a prayer of gratitude and thanksgiving.