Crazy year. I have a new job!!! Yes, I finally landed a professional non-kid related job. So excited/nervous/scared/happy. I went on my first date in 11 years (since before my husband). I have been doing nights out sans my kid. Five nights to be exact! Four of the nights she was at sleepovers with family and friends and her scouting group and one night I had dinner with my friend for a couple of hours. But anyway, I am doing things for me. Finally,and it feels good. I have been doing social media for my church again, not enough but trying to get it going again. I have also been trying to plan trips out of state-3 planned already. Two without my child. I am not going crazy, or going through a mid-life crazy crisis or anything, I am just trying to “do me”. Have you ever heard that statement? Well if you have not, it means that I am taking care of myself and doing for myself and putting myself as a priority for once in my life.
My daughter is still so important. She is still my heart, but now when she has a church lock-in, I make plans to get a room in the city and hang out with a friend and crash in the hotel instead of going back home. Before, I would go to a movie alone or stay home or meet a friend for a lame meal. I am trying to live again. No I am not going crazy with men or dancing on bars, but I am just trying to recapture a bit of me that has been lost, while at the same time putting my daughter first.
At times I feel guilt, because now I am opening up my social world so much that I am sharing my time and conversations with more people that just one or 2 friends and my daughter and my mom. My daughter is noticing a bit, but like I told her, in 8 years she will be grown and if I don’t change things, I will be alone. So that is what I am doing. I kept the orchid from my first date, but dropped the guy-way too pushy. But I am going to keep trying and going and laughing and loving. That is what life is about.
My daughter is still my everything, but I have made room for more things, and I am trying to let myself realize that that is okay too. I don’t want to let her little life slip by and feel like I have missed out on things, but when she is out playing and hanging with her friends, I am going to follow suit because mom is getting no younger either. I am still trying to keep God and faith at the forefront, which often time lacks when one is out having fun. I have made a challenge to praise God everytime I do social media. God is going to be soooo happy with me from all of that praising!
Good night my friends and readers. I promise to write much more. I started taking 2 classes again!!! So, there are reasons I have not been on. PS-I have started hardcore exercise regimen! Barre class tomorrow!