I do not know why I continue to be surprised that people are not who I need to put my faith in. I think a lot of us struggle with this. it makes sense because we don’t see Jesus Christ in the flesh sitting next to us. I can’t lean over and put my head on his shoulder when I am having a tough time or doubt myself. I can’t text Jesus and have a text be returned to let me know that I am loved back or missed, etc. I think my point is, I know that Jesus Christ is real. I don’t have to see HIM to know that. But, not being able to talk to Jesus and have a two-way conversation makes it difficult for me sometimes. For lots of people.
I think that in this digital world and the rush-rush environment for those of us who live in and around cities, do not know how to be still. I say a prayer/song to my daughter every night that I made up that covers all of the bases. It is quite lovely-not bragging. But by the time I drag myself to bed, I do the Father/Son/Holy Spirit sign and get on my knees for 30 seconds and get under the covers. I talk to God silently at times and often times in the shower. I guess I could even consider my singing in the choir, a conversation or at least praising or thankfulness to God.
But I have been letting all of the “noise” of new friendships, new situations, a new attitude get in the way of what is most important. My relationship with Jesus Christ. I truly want to live up to my deacon name. I want to live the life, not just pretend to live the life. I want to feel as close to HIM as I do to my best friend after sharing my heart and thoughts with her. I guess I really am wondering if any of you out there feel the same way?
I know I have been AWOL for awhile. I have let my obsession with changing my life-losing weight, making time for me, hanging out with friends and being a great mom get in the way of my relationship with Jesus Christ and for that I am ashamed. Do any of you have any tips?