Too much faith in MAN-again

I do not know why I continue to be surprised that people are not who I need to put my faith in. I think a lot of us struggle with this. it makes sense because we don’t see Jesus Christ in the flesh sitting next to us. I can’t lean over and put my head on his shoulder when I am having a tough time or doubt myself. I can’t text Jesus and have a text be returned to let me know that I am loved back or missed, etc. I think my point is, I know that Jesus Christ is real. I don’t have to see HIM to know that. But, not being able to talk to Jesus and have a two-way conversation makes it difficult for me sometimes. For lots of people.

I think that in this digital world and the rush-rush environment for those of us who live in and around cities, do not know how to be still. I say a prayer/song to my daughter every night that I made up that covers all of the bases. It is quite lovely-not bragging. But by the time I drag myself to bed, I do the Father/Son/Holy Spirit sign and get on my knees for 30 seconds and get under the covers. I talk to God silently at times and often times in the shower. I guess I could even consider my singing in the choir, a conversation or at least praising or thankfulness to God. 

But I have been letting all of the “noise” of new friendships, new situations, a new attitude get in the way of what is most important. My relationship with Jesus Christ. I truly want to live up to my deacon name. I want to live the life, not just pretend to live the life. I want to feel as close to HIM as I do to my best friend after sharing my heart and thoughts with her. I guess I really am wondering if any of you out there feel the same way?

I know I have been AWOL for awhile. I have let my obsession with changing my life-losing weight, making time for me, hanging out with friends and being a great mom get in the way of my relationship with Jesus Christ and for that I am ashamed. Do any of you have any tips?



I have been gone for a couple of months and now I am back…

Hi guys!

Most of you have probably given up on me and my blog and I am sorry if you feel that way. But I however, have been having quite a bit of fun. I have this new best friend as I mentioned a few months back and between going to the gym with her, hanging out with she and my daughter and working, taking classes, and other life duties-I am busy. I however feel that I need to pull back a little. Even in friendships, being there for your friend all of the time is not a good idea. I feel sometimes that one of the people gets taken for granted. I am not saying this is happening in my situation, I am just saying that it can and will happen more than likely. 

I have met a couple of other awesome women in the last week, one through my sales/advertising job and the other while my daughter and I were ice skating. I feel like good people are coming into my life because it is my time. My time to be happy and feel positive and free and confident in knowing that I am a good person and that I deserve to be around good people that treat me well. I think that I can sometimes give too much of myself to people though and I really am going to try to reel that in a bit. Because I have not been with my husband for almost 5 years, it gets a bit lonely sometimes-not often, but I pour the extra time into other people.

From now on, I am going to pour that time into myself and my daughter as well. She is really the most important thing in my life and for the last few months, I have been doing more without her and it is has been fun. But, there is an emptiness when I am out doing other things sometimes and I wonder why the hell I am out when I could be with her. Her whole life I never really went anywhere with friends and now I am trying to re-discover who I am and what I want. It is a bit scary and I need to realize that only God can help me get to that point. Not man. 

Have a great and blessed night and Sunday!!!