Whoa…It is almost February. I am still writing, but apparently not on WP???

Hi guys!

Crazy year. I have a new job!!! Yes, I finally landed a professional non-kid related job. So excited/nervous/scared/happy. I went on my first date in 11 years (since before my husband). I have been doing nights out sans my kid. Five nights to be exact! Four of the nights she was at sleepovers with family and friends and her scouting group and one night I had dinner with my friend for a couple of hours. But anyway, I am doing things for me. Finally,and it feels good. I have been doing social media for my church again, not enough but trying to get it going again. I have also been trying to plan trips out of state-3 planned already. Two without my child. I am not going crazy, or going through a mid-life crazy crisis or anything, I am just trying to “do me”. Have you ever heard that statement? Well if you have not, it means that I am taking care of myself and doing for myself and putting myself as a priority for once in my life.

My daughter is still so important. She is still my heart, but now when she has a church lock-in, I make plans to get a room in the city and hang out with a friend and crash in the hotel instead of going back home. Before, I would go to a movie alone or stay home or meet a friend for a lame meal. I am trying to live again. No I am not going crazy with men or dancing on bars, but I am just trying to recapture a bit of me that has been lost, while at the same time putting my daughter first. 

At times I feel guilt, because now I am opening up my social world so much that I am sharing my time and conversations with more people that just one or 2 friends and my daughter and my mom. My daughter is noticing a bit, but like I told her, in 8 years she will be grown and if I don’t change things, I will be alone. So that is what I am doing. I kept the orchid from my first date, but dropped the guy-way too pushy. But I am going to keep trying and going and laughing and loving. That is what life is about.

My daughter is still my everything, but I have made room for more things, and I am trying to let myself realize that that is okay too. I don’t want to let her little life slip by and feel like I have missed out on things, but when she is out playing and hanging with her friends, I am going to follow suit because mom is getting no younger either. I am still trying to keep God and faith at the forefront, which often time lacks when one is out having fun. I have made a challenge to praise God everytime I do social media. God is going to be soooo happy with me from all of that praising!

Good night my friends and readers. I promise to write much more. I started taking 2 classes again!!! So, there are reasons I have not been on. PS-I have started hardcore exercise regimen! Barre class tomorrow!

Smooches:)

Why do we all, the we includes me, put soooo much faith in man

I recently got very disappointed in a friend who did not respond the way that I thought she would, or should. I got a new job and I expected a call or tons of questions about the job, but instead I got a half-hearted congrats. I do not think that she meant anything by it, because she is not a jump up and down with excitement kind of person, But to not return a call about it, it kind of hurt me. I am not going to lie. If the shoe were on the other foot, I would be so happy and wanting to know all details. Hell, the shoe has been on the other foot and I was OVERJOYED. But that is just it, we have different styles of love or love languages or whatever you call it.

I am a bit time sharer with people that I love. If you are in my life and I call you a friend, then you are family to me. I do not play games, or have tons of secrets, I am just me and I am very open. I will give the shirt off of my back. I am not needy, I just love to give to people and I love to take care of people by being supportive and helping them in any way that I can. Maybe for some that is overwhelming. 

I was raised in a solid background with a family that did not have people in and out of jail or drunks or addicts for relatives. I am from a boring and quiet middle class family that does not want anything from me and is not “out to get me”. I think that people that came up “hard” have a thicker outer skin. They do not share as much. They feel that they have to be more secretive and as a result shut people out without even realizing it. But it kind of hurts a little. 

Sound silly that I am speaking about a friendship this way? Sorry if it does, but it is on my heart and when I love, I love deep. That goes for family, friends, romantic interests. And when I am done with someone, I am really really done. So, I pray that things become okay with me and this friend and that I do not start acting different towards this person because that will not help things. AT ALL. But if you ever feel this way and feel this way and feel that you are going above and beyond to be a friend and they are not, pull back and give yourself and that person space.

Maybe God is trying to reveal something to you about the person, maybe God is trying to have you focus more on HIM, or maybe this person is a bit self-centered and there is nothing that you can do to change that. Instead, be around people that want to spend time with you and value you as a person. Do not make yourself so at the ready for these folks, especially if they do not do the same for you.

Good night my friends. Have a Happy MLK Jr holiday tomorrow!!

So, my interview is Friday morning and I am deciding between hip/chic or conservative chic.

I have been so wrapped up in crazy silly stuff and now it is crunch time! I start my PR classes on Tuesday-longggg story and I have a job interview in 2 days. I feel like a bonafide grown up. About time, I have been one for 20 years! I feel so good and hopeful about what this year has to hold. Part of it is who I am surrounding myself with, the other part is my jumping in and taking the bull by the horns. Regardless, this is my freaking year and I am claiming it in Jesus’ name!

I keep getting caught up in the worldly and I have to remind myself that that crap-what the flesh wants is not what the soul needs. I want and need to live a Godly life, but when one is a single/divorcee Christian, it is hard. Men in my age group are still partying a lot-lame. Or, they want to get serious immediately. I am going to use this as a way to pray to God by asking God to put people in my life that are good for me and remove the others, as difficult as that it is to face or do.

I have this crazy desire to make this year so much better and different and awesome, but I am still the same person on the inside as I was years ago, in many ways. I have been a great mom and I have a graduate degree and I don’t drink and go out with men like I did in my 20’s, but I still have the same tendencies in certain situations whether I act on them or not. Most of the time I do not, but that co-dependency returns sometimes, but I have to talk myself off of the ledge because I do not want to return to that person just because I am single again.

I have actually been away from my husband for 4 1/2 years, but because I am now pursuing a dating life and opening myself up, the single lady thing is more predominant, or feels that way. So, my readers and friends, please pray for me that I will keep my heart open, but my mind closed to what is not good for me. I hope that your work week has been great and it is half over! Until tomorrow…

Trying to get my priorities straight, yes even as a mom it is hard to focus on work and not play…

Well, this newfound self is fab. Lighter mentally, lighter physically and I have an extra skip in my step. But all I want to do is go to dinners and lunches and manis and pedis. I am trying to be a “lady that lunches” when I am really a lady that needs to be punching a time clock:). I have a job, and I am hopefully going on an interview Friday for a part time sales gig. But, I am so into finding my new self and having a life as a person and not just as a mom that I am getting things twisted.

I am trying to plan nights out and weekend trips, which is great, but I have got to slow my roll. I love the fact that I can look at myself and know when enough is enough. I mean I am not being totally irresponsible or anything. Bills are paid. Gas is in the car, food is in the fridge, but I am so excited about venturing out and getting a “life” that I am neglecting the life I have already.

I am losing focus on what is important. I do not mean to, but I am an extremist all or nothing kind of gal. For nearly a decade, I have devoted myself to pregnancy and then motherhood. Now I am wanting to dedicate most of my energy to myself and I think that the people around me are like-“what?” I feel them. I am joining the gym this week, I am about to book Vegas tickets, I haven’t even watched Scandal in a week!

I am ready to live my life and stop fantasizing about other people’s. I think that that is what it boils down to. Literally. I have to realize that just because I have jumped on this “me” bandwagon that everyone else will not ride with me. This total transformation has to be and will be a slow one. I will not lose 45 more pounds over night. I will not find the love of my life over night. And, I will not have fun every single day and be out on the scene.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not dumping my kid to go to clubs or anything. I am just trying to live this fun and exciting lifestyle and I am not really matching it up with funds:) So, I have done a real good job of spending roughly an hour a day on a job search. Thirty minutes to prayer and I am trying to get to the 30 minutes to working out, but I am not there yet. I am too tired when I find the time! Hence the need for the gym. If I pay for it, I will play!

Hope you all have a happy humpday tomorrow and I hope that your weather has settled down a bit like ours has.

Will write soon~

So, I created a dating profile…

I can’t believe that I am typing this. The girl who started this blog did not have the guts to do something like this. I am a gutsy chick, but I never thought I would go looking for love. I got a new haircut, lost a little weight, and bam! Profile. I have had over 600 hits and around 150 messages. That may be decent, but in this day and age of constant social media and electronics, it could be just average. Either way, it was a bit of an ego boost, I am not going to lie.

One of the first men to message me was my type. Tall, dark and handsome. Gorgeous, successful, etc. I left out one of “my type” characteristics-jerk. I tend to go after players, good-looking men or people who think they are God’s gift. I felt myself beginning to accept what he said. I was letting him call the shots and then I realized that I am a different woman than I was 11 years ago when I last dated. I am a little older, a little wiser, and a hell of a lot more schooled in the ways of men-being married to an adulterer will do that~

So, I decided to put him to the side and talk to a couple of the men that are decent. Good men that may not have the sex appeal, but have the heart appeal. But, some of these men are so serious! They want a wife to be the mother to their kids, or they want an instant and constant companion-they have nothing going on but their search for a woman. Or, they are decent men, but anatomy is still at the forefront of their minds.

Sending me a message how hot or sexy I am does not win brownie points. I want someone who understands that I have a child who is the center of my world. I want a man who can understand that I do not have unlimited time to give them unlimited attention. I used to think that if a guy wanted to be around me all of the time that it was endearing. Now I see that I was with controlling men. They would put me at the center of their lives, pull me away from my life and when they were over “us”, I would be devastated and have no friends available to hang with.

I am a grown woman now with responsibilities and if a man says in his profile that he wants to see his potential life partner everyday, I am not as attracted to that as I used to be. Some men have already given me their numbers for texting and I have had them for days, but I am not sure what I am looking for. I want a man to talk to. I want someone who would like to talk about our lives and what happened at work, or at a social outing. But I am not ready to change my lifestyle upside down for anyone.

So, I am not sure if I should be on this site. Am I wasting people’s time or am I feeding my ego? Well, anyway. I want to keep trying to see what happens but I am having problems trusting in what anyone has to say. So, as I always say, I will step out on faith and hope to hear what God is trying to tell me to do or not to do. Good night my friends and I hope that you have a beautiful and blessed Sunday and week!

I am back and stronger than ever!

2013 was a bust in several ways: my grandmother died (God rest her soul), my almost 20 year old cat died, I had to move to another place, job losses. But, the fact that myself, my child and other family and friends made it to 2014 alive, made it a great year. I have been so extremely busy for the last 30 plus days with travel, guests, events, parties and now is a time to get it together. Decide my path. Make my way. 

For starters, I have a new bestie. I know it sound silly. I am a grown woman with a child and that is the first thing I mention is that I have a best friend. Well, it is odd because I have known her for 2 years. But over the last month, I have gotten to know her more and I realize that this is what has been missing up here in DC! A running/hanging partner. I have a lot of friends/acquaintances here, but I feel in this land of suburbia and perfection,that I rarely if ever am just myself. I am with my daughter and friends from back in the day whom I chat with over the phone that love other places. But I have not met a friend in 10 years in this area that I can 100 percent be myself with and that is huge! I do have the “3 am” friends here. I can call people and trust them with my child. That is freaking golden too. But to be able to have a friend that you can be crazy with, angry around, bare your soul to and at the same time laugh with is priceless. I told her last night that I am going to give her a friendship bracelet and as goofy as it may seem, I might. A girl can never let her bestie know enough how much she is appreciated.

Secondly, I have lost 20 lbs. Remember all of the blogs about getting spiritually and physically fit? Well, at least I am losing weight. I am trying to workout at least 180 minutes per week. Let’s see how the spiritual will turn out. I hope equally as well. Who am I fooling? I hope better.

Third-I have decided to accept people for what they have to give and who they are and not put so much faith in “man.” My faith is in Jesus Christ my Lord and Savior and I am not a judge or a jury. If people are not as loving or as giving or as available as I would love for them to be, well that is on them. No longer am I going to be disappointed in what people are not. I am going to embrace them and appreciate them for what they are and if they are not a positive in my life, then I will kick them to the curb. Sounds harsh? But it really does make sense…

Lastly, I am going to step out on faith in a big way and try out dating. I want someone in my life. For a decade my child has been my all, especially after splitting from my husband. She is my number one priority, but I am still attractive and somewhat young. I want to have a partner in life and going to playdates is not going to get one. I am not rushing out to clubs and bars, but I have joined a few Meetup groups that would be conducive environments for meeting eligible suitors. 

This is actually the last thing, but in my effort to get right in every way I can, I am going to blog everyday again. I do not care if I tell you about how great my lunch was, or how much I enjoyed a movie. I love to write and it is such a healing and joyful exercise for me. I just hope that some of you have stuck with me and will continue to read and support me. I know that I may have lost some followers and have not gained any in awhile, but that is not the reason I want to write. I want to write because it is what I love and feel and it empowers and strengthens me. 

Please join me on my journey and feel free to comment along the way. Happy 2014. It is going to be a happy, happy New Year indeed!