I would love to say that I am laid back and go with flow. But, if I said that then I would be straight up liar! I have learned over the last almost decade as a parent that if one never goes with the flow and always demands control that the controller will be miserable and so will the controllee.:)
I being the quintessential organizational Virgo, I like a plan. I want that closet organizer to fit perfectly with the shelving unit and for the last sweater to fold in to the cubicle just perfectly.I want the toothpaste in the drawer. I want the bag packed for the outing the next day with snacks, sunscsreen and whatever items are necessary for said outing. For instance, we are going on a field trip at a pumpkin patch tomorrow. So, my head is spinning. Cowboy boots for both of us-check check. Plan for snacks-check check. Cash on hand-yep. You get the point.
So, this whole parenting thing and marriage (used to be married) thing threw me for a loop. Pillows are not always in place. Meals do not always go as planned. Sometimes we eat in the car. On a rare occasion, my kid gets a baked potato 2 nights in a row from a fast food establishment if our activities are crazy. At times I wear the same outfit for 3 days if I have not gotten it dirty, not had it on for long when I am out each day and if I do not go to the same places and see the same people.
So, far from my personal shopper at Nordstrom days, I have compromised. I still look put together. Toes done, earrings on, bracelets and earrings in place. UGGs or open-toes, I hate socks. But, I shop at Old Navy or Target. I use my fab accessories to “guge” up my blah cheap clothes. I am not the fashion plate I used to be, but I ‘go with the flow’. Capiche? (as my kid says) I do not feel that I have settled, but I have de-stressed. I have realized that life is too short.
I was yelling at my darling girl as I was taking laundry out of the dryer to do something and I was shaking my head because she never listens. Then I paused, smiled and was grateful for that moment. So grateful that I am smart enough and going with that good old flow enough to realize that her untidy habits or lack of desire to be a neat freak is a gift. A gift in a way that 15 years from now I am going to wish like heck I had her around to shake my head at. I will one day open the sliding glass door and no little fingerprints will be all over it. The backseat of the car will not be a rolling toxic waste dump.
My child will be a grown up. All of the fussing and impatient attitudes that I get with her will be for naught. I will not be able to pack lunches and take control of anyone’s life but my own. Not that I am a control freak per se, but I love taking care of people. Part of that is organizing and caring and loving and ordering around.
I hope one day that she will look back and cherish the times that I wanted things to be so lovely. That she will think with pride at how nice our home always looked (minus the hardly mopped floors) and realize how much I cared. How much effort I put into taking her to her weekly activities and making plans for the several times a year holiday parties and all of the playdates I work out around schedules.
For now, I will try to pull back a bit on the “you never” blah blah blah. Or “why don’t you listen” yadda yadda yadda. And instead I will smile and appreciate every moment to my ability. The same way that I did a month before I finished high school. I looked around and thought, wow. This is it. Things will never be the same. Isn’t that true with every major thing in our lives? No matter how we try, time keeps on slipping. So off to tidy her room I go, so not a moment is lost tomorrow of playing and enjoying this wonderful life that I have been given with my angel.
Good night my wp friends. Wherever you may be…