Hey guys! Hope you had a great weekend. I had an interesting time helping my friend get ready for a journey to another state. I spent the night there Friday night and most of the day yesterday. It took the movers over 8 hours to load the truck and wrap the furniture. Crazy! Today we were up 95 north a couple of hours away taking some car loads and we ate an early dinner and turned back around and came back to DC. We get back to her place and there is still enough stuff to use one of those mini-hitch U-haul deals. Maaannnn… I wish she would have left her stuff in storage here. It would have been much better. I digress.
I had to say no to a job this week and take one that paid a little more and was a little less hassle. It was hard for me to turn the job down even though it was not good for me because I have a hard time ending things, or rejecting situations or people. Honestly, I just can’t say NO! Unless of course it is to my kid.:) I also had to tell my choral group that I could not practice every week anymore. I will be working this super part time job different evenings every week-it rotates-so I can’t say that I will be there every week. The director agreed to meet me every other week or so to go over music on my own. Then I had to tell my daughter’s scouting troop that I can’t be a leader for the very same reason. Sometimes I will work on the night of a meeting. It was hard to let these folks know how my situation has changed, but I did it and I feel lighter in a way.
The truth is, I didn’t want to be a leader, I don’t want to go to chorale practice every week and I don’t want to work 5 days a week using up my gas when I can work less days and make more money-who would? I have over-extended myself so many times in the past and I never get rest, I feel resentful, and I do a half-assed job some of the time because I am so over-committed. I am going to at this point forward try to volunteer for less and to not feel guilty if I have to change my role in an organization or alter my availability. I am a good person with good intentions, but what is the old saying??? Good intentions pave the road to hell?! So if I intend to do things all of the time, but do not follow through, then it is the same as not trying at all in some cases right?
What I want to do is: spend more quality unencumbered time with my kid, look more for professional jobs, exercise more, focus on God more, focus on what we are eating and just being mindful of what is good for us period. I have noticed in my period of chaos over the last 9 months, I have picked up 15 pounds! Though I eat healthy a lot, sometimes I am so hurried that I grab fast food, or I eat too late. Or, I don’t drink enough water or sleep enough which means I try to compensate with food or caffeine.
This crap starts now! I am saying no! I need more me time to get myself together so that I can be better in every area of my life from motherhood to daughter to church duties, to just taking care of me. If I am a mess, and my kid has all of her needs met and is doing well, then eventually my mess will trickle down to her and she will need “fixing”. Now I am probably more together mentally and spiritually than a lot of people I know, but in many cases that is not saying much.
Starting today, September 9th 2013, I am taking care of me. I am saying no to chaos, no to an over-loaded schedule and no to things and people that are not good for my psyche. Remember how I said fall was a season of renewal in my view? Well this is fall cleaning for me and I don’t just mean donating my bags of clothes to Salvation Army.
Good night my friends…