I picked my kid up from her sleepover, did my communion gig at church, met friends for lunch and we vegged and played for 4 hours at pool. Why is it when the pool is about to close every year on Labor day, the weather up and gets hot? Then I have to stare at the pool for the 9 months until it is open again? Anyway, fun and relaxing time at the pool. My hair is even blonder and I am very red in some places and tan in others. Kinda like the glow though because come December I will be milky white again.
Had a weird dream that I was in a building and we had to gather up as much as we could that was of value and of use to take on this huge spacecraft that would take us away from the dangers of earth. Sort of odd for me because I am not a sci-fi kind of girl. Romantic comedy, action, fantasy yeah. But space stuff not so much. There was such a sense of urgency for me to get on the ship and get my stuff done. The dream seemed to go on for hours. I think that I have been over-analyzing everything lately, even in my sleep.
I tell you what, I really need to start working out again. After eating a salad and too many tortilla chips, (counter-productive I know) I crashed for 2 hours and had to even stop writing this post. This means that I would probably not have so many crazy sleep problems if I worked out like in the past. That pool time was so good for body and soul. I think that I could lose the weight easier as well if I could go to bed and get real rest. My body and brain could regenerate during the night and have tons of energy for me for the next day. The problem is, if I ever lie down before 9 pm I wake up a few hours later.
I know that my worry about what I will be doing to support us financially is a big part of my distress. Also, too many changes over the last 6 months have not been good for the psyche, but if life feeds us lemons we can either make the lemonade or have sour dispositions. I have to be strong for my kid. I will have to agree that there really is something to the theory that there should be a mom and a dad there to raise a kid. I have all of the responsibilities on my shoulders, and people expect me to carry on as though I don’t. If I ever do really get into what is going on with me with a couple of close friends, it is like a pity thing and then there is this uncomfortable moment and I regret ever bringing up my hardships. So, I don’t.
I have thought about counseling or therapy, but then that is another time commitment for me. And another financial commitment. If I can get a decent job I think that I will fit it into my schedule because I am worth it and I could probably benefit from it big time. My brother told me that all of his Manhattan friends go to therapists and that his best friend told him that he refused to date anyone that did not have a psychologist.:) Kind of humorous, but maybe he is on to something!
I think that what I am going to do to relax tonight is take a dip in my garden tub with candles and a good book. I don’t know what it is lately with me and water, but my mind is so revved up lately that whatever it takes to chill and unwind, I am on it. Before I do that, I am going to respond to an email from a woman who is interested in me as a personal tutor for her children! I would love to teach them full-time along with my kid. One of my many mini-dreams is to open a school so that I could interject all of the good things from different teaching philosophies, Christianity and common sense all into one awesome educational setting. Maybe this is a gateway? After I give her my rates, that dream may deflate sooner that I had hoped! But that is negative thinking, so I will leave on a good note. I saw this awesome sign outside of this live music venue/coffee house today and it spoke to me since I have such a vivid dream life as of late…Good night.