Today I was zoning off in my own personal universe as I sometimes do and of all of the places that my mind chooses to go deep, it was a water park! After getting the innertube stuck on my chest (true story) and almost losing my top, and then having a contact pop out, (it was a wild water park!:) I started thinking about the human condition. I looked at the sea of people in the wave pool and thought wow, so many colors and shapes and hues! People are delicate creatures and everyone has feelings (remember I was thinking still) and I should not be so quick to judge and harsh about feelings towards people and the way they act. Then I thought about morality and mortality and human frailty as I was going to sun while watching the kids.
Then I heard it! A syrupy, fakey, Kourtney Kardashianish voice saying: “Honey, you still didn’t answer my question. Do you still want to stay at the park or do you want to go get a snack?” The mom was reasoning with her toddler! She was one of the cookie cutter types with the demasculated husband not daring to speak a harsh word because when in Stepford land, one cannot appear to be angry or show true emotion or heaven forbid-have an opinion! So the kid rules their roost obviously, but I don’t need to hear it! Then I thought frailty schmality! I really don’t like people very much. Maybe it is the people where I live. Maybe it is because of my own drama and insomina, but I can’t stand these wimpy people who let their children decide everything and never tell them no! Then they look at someone like me who raises my voice and puts children in their place like I am a three headed wildebeest! What has happened to people born and raised in the 70’s and 80’s? Does this generation (my generation) feel that there parents were not hands on enough? Are they afraid to anger their children? Has psychobabble and political correctness warped people so much that very few people actually take a stand on anything ever, even in meaningless scenarios such as this one regarding nap times and snacks? In the case of this whiny kid who was clearly tired, why couldn’t her mom put a halt to her sugar-coated replies and kept it real? For ex. “You can either quit your whining or we are leaving, period.” That would have been me! I won’t bore you with all that was said, the fact is that the begging nature of the conversation from mom to child went on for awhile. It took all that I had inside to not turn around and tell her to STFU! I know, I am trying on faith as my way of living and coping and being a better person. BUT, I think that my disdain for these types has pushed me over the edge with pretty much anything that they say or do. I am working on it I swear, but it is tough.
I really want to be one of those people who smiles all of the time, even when feathers are ruffled. Someone who doesn’t easily get flustered. Not Stepfordish/cookie cutterish, but I want to be a person that isn’t prepared to go “Bronx” on someone if they break in line, or do something ridiculous in traffic. Going Bronx is really hilarious to say since I am an ex-Southern Belle but it seems to work here. I digress, though I am a classy kind of girl, I can go from uptown to “street” behaviorally speaking in a matter of seconds. I can’t figure out if I just enjoy a good verbal sparring or if I am just damaged goods because of past experiences.
In all honesty, if you met me you would think that I am delightful and kind and sweet. I really am that person. People at the local market know us by name, same with Starbucks, same with neighborhood sandwich shop. But, as nice as I can be and as much as I have that “give the shirt off of my back mentality”, I don’t take crap from anyone. If I am close to someone, it is a different story, but if you a stranger steps a toe out of line, then I will rip them to shreds. Not literally! Defense mechanism? Counseling material? I am not sure, but I will say I NEVER start fights of any kind, but I am the lady you want around if something goes down.:)
Unbelievably, I have only had one physical altercation after all of these years! As I mentioned earlier, I do not start with people, but I am sure that you can fill in the blanks as to what happened. It was finished and victory was mine! Harh, harh, harh. (My evil laugh)
In all seriousness, I really do teach my child to be kind and giving and respectful of all people. I also teach her to be tough and stand up for what is right for herself and for others when they are being wronged. I have had words with rude people in front of her, but never vulgar or bad words, they were just used to put people that acted in a bad manner into their place.
I try to live the life that Christ intended for me and I want so desperately to not let people and their rudeness and snobbery and unhappiness to get to me. I know that it is not personal, but I internalize and immediately go into protection mode. Any suggestions as to what I can do to not be sick of folks? Perhaps a pill or prayer or new philosophy is the answer?
All I can do is keep trying to be the best version of myself and push the negative vibes coming from people out of my thought processes. Maybe I should start a nonprofit to save animals and spend all of my time saving and working with said animals? One thing about animals that makes them so cool is their unconditional love and their lack of revenge mentality. Man, maybe I have found my true calling other than motherhood! Awesome! This blogging thing is really very cathartic. Thanks for reading my eclectic thoughts…